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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.
Due to the desire to look younger, people these days tend to invest a lot of money in their appearance. From the writer’s perspective, this trend stems from the toxic beauty standard, and it may become a negative development because it causes potential risks to an individual’s health.
It is indisputable that today’s beauty standard is too harsh and untrue. Today’s society always believes that being young with glowy, spotless skin or energetic posture is beautiful. After that, the toxic beauty standard started to grow in every individual’s mind, making them spend their money on many cosmetic services in order to keep up with this beauty standard. Taking Korean women as an example, many of them spent a lot of money to repair their appearance in middle age, as they always wanted themselves to look like high school students, which is a Korean’s beauty standard.
However, paying money to repair the appearance is believed to be a detrimental development as it is risky for people’s health. It must be recognized that overusing chemicals for beautifying may be harmful for humans’s bodies. These chemicals may contain many toxic substances, which result in many skin-related problems. For instance, silicone, a common chemical that can be easily found in many skin-lifting products, has recently been banned because it causes cancer risks for the user. Therefore, it is true to say that paying money to make an appearance younger is a negative development.
In conclusion, these days, people pay more to satisfy their desire to have a young appearance, which is a consequence of a toxic beauty standard and a negative development as it has many potential risks for the individual’s health.
Word Count: 278
Overall Band Score
7.5
(+/- 0.5)
Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.
Grammar Mistakes: N/A
Vocabulary Repetition:
beauty: 6
money: 5
appearance: 5
standard: 5
their: 4
toxic: 4
these: 3
negative: 3
development: 3
risks: 3
individual's: 3
which: 3
Try using synonyms for the above wordsTask Response
8
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing why people spend money on appearance to look younger and presents a clear position on whether it is a positive or negative development. The ideas are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, to improve, consider providing a more balanced view by discussing potential positive aspects of investing in appearance.
Coherence & Cohesion
7
The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphing and logical progression of ideas. Cohesion is effectively maintained, making the essay easy to follow. To enhance coherence, ensure smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
7
There is a good range of vocabulary used accurately throughout the essay. The writer demonstrates control over lexical features. To further improve, incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions to enhance lexical resource.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
7
A wide range of grammatical structures is used with good control. Punctuation and grammar are mostly accurate. To elevate the score, pay attention to sentence variety and ensure consistent accuracy in complex structures.
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